I’m pretending to be strong for the sake of my daughter and grandchildren, but inside I feel so lost and confused. My heart is breaking so much and the tears will not stop. I feel like a lost little girl inside pretending to be the confident Mom. Will I make it through all this? Yes. I just wish I had someone to lean on to help me through this. Someone to hold me as I cry and let it all out. Someone that truly understands the depths of my mind and soul.
Why does life have to be so difficult? All I want is for the ones I love to be safe, and I would like to feel safe too. Sometimes I wish I was not submissive, passive, shy, or introverted. I admire woman that are strong. I wonder if they ever feel helpless, lost, or confused. I doubt it.
I’ve been too soft, too giving, and too loving my whole life. Because of this, my children are the same and will be hurt much in life because of it. People already see how giving my daughter is and are taking advantage of her to the point of being homeless now. I don’t want to regret bringing them up with open hearts and minds, but I can not take the pain when they get hurt. Perhaps I should get on some kind of medication that numbs me so I do not feel anything, because right now, I feel absolutely hopeless and helpless.
I keep telling myself everything will work out as it should, and it will all be ok. We’ve survived abuse, stalkers, times where we had no food, times where we had to run and hide from a psychopathic ex-husband, and so much more, yet in the end, it made us stronger and closer. It still doesn’t change the fact that I’m scared and feel like a lost little girl right now.