Sometimes saying you’re sorry just isn’t enough, which led me to have to dig deeper within myself and find the root cause/causes of my actions and reactions. I would have rather been beaten than have to break down some of my own defensive walls to actually see the truth of what and why I had reacted in certain ways. I was even given a guideline to help me, and darnit if my stubbornness didn’t get in the way of doing it correctly several times. I was given the guideline below, and if used with an open mind and open heart, it does help you get to the core of why you did what you did, and helps you learn more about yourself.
1. Describe an aware of the injury caused by your action.
2. Describe the action and how it caused the injury.
3. Describe what your intentions were that directly or indirectly caused you to act in an injurious way.
4. Describe how you will remediate your feelings, thoughts, or behaviour in order to improve your actions in the future.
It was also pointed out to me that through all this I went through the classic stages of grief/acceptance.
1. Avoidance
2. Denial
3. Anger
4. Bargaining
5. Sadness
6. Acceptance
I was completely unaware I went through these until it was pointed out to me, and as I look back at all my efforts, this person is absolutely correct.
This was a hard lesson for me, and I can’t believe how long it took me to truly grasp how to do it, when it was all laid out before me. It was a lesson well-learned, and I am grateful for the teachings, and patience of this person.
